November 19, 2020
Reflection: Who really loves me and why?
Today I am grateful for...my ability to love, and those who love me.
Challenge: Love on yourself.
Today, I had an epiphany. It happened on one of my typical commutes into town to drop my son off at daycare. As I drove in, I was thinking about alllll the people I want to love on. The people in my life who I feel deserve to know that I’m thinking of them, that I care about them deeply, and that they are so loved. Where my fellow #Empaths and #Enneagram2s at?? As my list grew longer and longer, I had a moment of realization...”Wow. By the time I sent all those cards, loving text messages, and words of encouragement, I’ll have no emotional energy left for anything!”....and my next thought was, “WOW. I wonder what a difference it would make if I loved on myself that way?...” Hmmmm.....more thoughts pondered... I’m not sure why this is the first time in my life that I’ve ever thought of it this way. I’ve just always been one of those people who CARES. It’s part of who I am and it’s part of what makes me ME. But the more I think on it, the more it makes me realize that this compassion that lives inside of me isn’t exclusive to outsiders....I need love too, and the only person I can truly rely on to give it is ME!
So I came home, and started thinking about all the ways I could love on myself. I’m not talking “self-care-put on a face mask, scroll through Instagram and forget about the chaos of the world for 5 minutes”-kinda thing. I’m talking real self-love. Real self-reflection to remember what makes us so great and why we are worthy of love. The type of love we so easily give to others. I asked myself things like:
What do I engage with each day that I deserve? Maybe that’s a hot cup of coffee, because I deserve to take a few minutes to myself and indulge in this moment. Maybe it’s this super cozy sweatshirt that took me so long buy for myself because I wouldn’t dare spend the money on ME. (obviously I still bought it on sale #SaleRackJunkie, but I got it nonetheless!) Or maybe it’s just the idea of NOT feeling guilty about the flowers I managed to buy myself.
What does the world need more of that I have to give? Or maybe said another way, what do I need more of from the world? This one made me think long and hard about the things I subconsciously (but sometimes desperately) need and seek from others...things like intuitiveness (like seeing me when I can’t see myself), attention to detail (did you notice my new haircut?), and the little things (like someone giving me flowers just because). Because these things come so naturally to me, I feel deprived or unworthy when others don’t reciprocate. But this isn't a result of others’ withholding love from me...it’s simply a difference of love languages. It’s so hard to see that in the moment, but understanding this dynamic is a good place to start. (If you haven’t read the 5 love languages, go take the quiz-it's free!- and read the book.)
Who loves me and why? And I don’t just mean our immediate families...but who really knows me, and who really loves me? My co-workers, for example, who knows both my personal and professional strengths and weaknesses, and still loves on me anyway. My dog, who shows me the true meaning of unconditional love. Or an old friend who, no matter how much time has passed since I’ve seen her, still gives the best hugs. Any why do they love me? Is it my compassionate heart? My ability to give the most thoughtful gifts? Or my insistence that they never leave my house hungry? (Food and love go hand-in-hand, amiright?)
In all seriousness, when we really take a step back and think about all the things that make people love us, it feels pretty great. We remember our worth. We remember how far we’ve come. And we remember that no matter where we are in life, we still deserve love. So ladies, buy yourself the damn flowers, indulge in that cup of coffee, and walk with a smile of confidence today because you are worth it.
XO
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