When it rains, it pours

May 27, 2021

Reflection: I can be sad and grateful

Today, I’m grateful for: Modern medicine

I guess when it rains, it pours in the Sepich household. The last 6 days have brought us a complicated kidney surgery for my father-in-law, a sick toddler at home and now we add ‘taking up residence at the local hospital’ to the list. Last night, I started experiencing some bleeding that landed me in the L&D triage at 1 in the morning. Plenty of tests and pokes and prods later, I now find myself confined to a little hospital room waiting out to see what the next few days bring.

And so we add yet another scary, stressful chapter to the journey of this pregnancy. Above all, the good news is that baby appears to be doing great. So the goal is to keep her cooking in there for a few more months. But I will be just 28-weeks tomorrow, which means we still have a long ways to go. I am overwhelmed with emotion contemplating the best way to handle the present and anticipating what the future holds....fear, helplessness, disappointment, grief, frustration, sadness, doubt, unworthiness....On the bright side, I still have “bathroom privileges”, meaning I can walk myself to the bathroom. 🥴 But when you add the not-so-cheery vibe of being stuck in a hospital bed the rest of the day to the mix, it doesn’t exactly do much for your mental health.

But I have learned through this pregnancy more than ever that I can be both sad and grateful. Today, I am grateful for modern medicine. To live in America and have access to healthcare and be in one of the safest places I can be with a condition like this. This isn’t the path I wanted. This isn’t the path I would’ve chosen. But this is the path I am on. And I am grateful for the systems and support that will help keep me and my baby as safe as possible.

XO

SS