July 19, 2021
Today, I’m grateful for: the ending
I’m back, and in the hospital room I will call home until our sweet girl is born. I awoke around 11:30 last night to take one of my many middle-of-the-night bathroom trips. Unfortunately, this one ended in another bleeding episode. My third and final “strike” as they call it with this condition. I knew my fate. I knew what it meant. And I carried with me the fears and anxieties of what else might be in store over the next 24 hours.
As we gathered our things to head to the hospital, I looked around our home knowing it was the last time I would know the comforts of this place for a while. This was the last time we would be there, as a family of three. The last time I would see Calvin sleeping soundly in his bed for a long while. Through tears, I watched him sleep, probably longer than I should have. But I couldn’t peel myself away from his sweetness. I left a part of my heart right there with him. I stroked his cheek, gave him one last kiss and headed for the car.
No matter how many times we’ve been through this, it never gets easier. The anxiety, the fears, the sadness. But I’ll admit, as we embarked on our final journey to the hospital, it felt different this time. A sense of trust….of knowingness….of surrender to whatever fate held for us this time. Trusting that whatever is meant to be was meant to be. And the comfort in the firmness of knowing that sometime between now and the next two weeks, our sweet baby girl will be here.
We are officially two weeks out from our scheduled delivery date. I have no idea if I will make it that far. I have no idea what is in store between now and her arrival. But what I do know is that there is no better place for me to be right now for the safety of me and our daughter. And for that, I am grateful.
Cheers to the homestretch.
https://youtu.be/Eyjj8BgsBGU
XO
SS
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