December 3, 2020
Reflection: Adversity makes us stronger.
Today, I'm grateful for: A healthy baby.
Challenge: Consider the challenges you have faced in life, what you learned from them, and how it shapes you today?
A few weeks ago, I gave a shoutout to my birth story, so I figured it was time I shared. If you're not a birth-nerd like me, or not interested in all the juicy details, you can jump to the end for some quick pics of my cutie son, and join us for our regularly scheduled programming back here tomorrow :)
2:30 AM: I woke up to go to the bathroom and was having some Braxton Hicks contractions. They weren’t painful and it wasn’t unusual for me to have these at night, but I did notice they seemed to be lasting longer than usual. I went to the bathroom and went back to bed.
4AM: I woke up and felt a light gush feeling. I went to the bathroom and wiped and noticed a discolored fluid....”Is this my water breaking?”, I thought. I sat for a bit longer and fluid started trickling out a bit more. It didn’t feel like pee, and I hollered to Dan in bed....”Babe! I think my water just broke!” He shot up in bed...”Are you serious?!” he said.
4:30: We called our midwife and she instructed us to come in to the hospital. We expected to stay and labor at home for a while since I wasn’t having any contractions. But since my water broke and the fluid was discolored, she wanted us to come in. So we had some eggs for breakfast, gathered our final hospital bag things and headed out!
5:30AM: We arrive at the hospital, get checked in and they get me on the heart rate monitor to make sure Calvin’s heart rate looked good. They checked me and said I was already 4cm dilated and 70%. We were excited and ready to have this baby!!
6AM: Calvin’s heart rate looked great, so we started the laboring process! I was walking the halls, bouncing on the ball, getting on hands and knees, squatting. Contractions got started right away, and they were coming consistently every two minutes. I was in good spirits and we were excited anticipating his arrival.
From there, I really started losing track of time. They checked me again and I’d only dilated to 5cm. Roughly 6 hours or so had passed, and contractions were getting more and more intense. I asked for the nitrous gas to help with the pain. I wanted to have this baby medication-free, and the gas was the only pain management I wanted to use. The gas seemed to help and I continued to breath my way through contractions, though it was getting intense.
They checked me again, and I was at 6cm. I was really hoping for more, but continued to stay positive focusing on getting through each contraction. My midwife was starting to wonder if baby’s position was sunny-side up, so she recommended some different labor positions to help get him in the right position. I was listening to music and focused on getting into all the positions to help baby move. A couple more hours passed, and contractions were getting extremely difficult. I was experiencing back labor exclusively, and each contraction was still coming every two minutes sending sharp, excruciating pains into my back and pelvis. They checked me and I was 8cm. The gas didn’t seem to help anymore, but I was determined to keep going, hoping that I was getting close to pushing. More time passed and each contraction was nearly impossible to manage. We discussed the option of an epidural and they said it would only take 15-20 minutes to get. I was in a significant amount of pain, but I decided to try to go one more hour and if there was no progress, we’d discuss other options. After another hour of excruciating labor, they checked me again, and I seemed to be stuck at 8cm and baby wasn’t moving down. I was exhausted, defeated and in a significant amount of pain. It was 6:30 in the evening and I had been laboring for more than 12 hours without any pain medication. I didn’t have any more in me, and so my midwife talked to me about my options. We discussed the reality of a c-section and that Calvin maybe just wasn’t meant to come vaginally. I was so sad and defeated after everything I’d already been through, but at that point, I had no choice. We ordered an epidural and a c-section and awaited the anesthesiologist. The OB who would perform the c-section was at Methodist awaiting the arrival of twins, so the plan was to get the epidural and try to rest a bit before the surgery.
IT TOOK THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST AN HOUR TO GET THERE. It was the LONGEST most painful hour of my life. I couldn’t move. Every contraction felt like I was dying and there was nothing I could do to help it. I mentally blacked out. Finally, the anesthesiologist arrived and they began prepping me for the epidural. Another long, excruciating 20 minutes passed and the epidural was finally in and working. I was finally able to get some relief from the contractions, so Dan and I both laid down to get some rest. They also started pitocin to see if the pain relief would allow me to relax and finish dilating. We slept for a few hours and around 2AM, the midwife came in and checked me again. I was finally 10cm and fully effaced. The OB still wasn’t there yet, and so the midwife said if I wanted to try to push, I could. Since we’d already ordered the c-section, I figured it was worth a shot considering I’d already tried everything else. I never really had a strong urge to push, but I so badly wanted to have Calvin naturally, I was willing to try anything.
They turned down the epidural so I could feel the contractions again. I worked with them to try to push baby out. After 2 long, intense hours of pushing, they checked me again and he hadn’t moved down at all. I was so defeated and frustrated and finally surrendered to the fact that Calvin was going to be born via c-section. Dan and I went back to bed to rest a bit before surgery.
At about 5AM, several doctors and nurses came in, and the OB came to greet me. I was pretty out of it, and things got very chaotic. I hadn’t vomited for the entire pregnancy, but I suddenly felt sick and threw up. They started getting everything ready and going over what was about to happen. They gave Dan his scrubs to wear and told him he would have to wait in the room while they took me to the OR to be prepped. They rolled me away to the surgical suite and things started to get very surreal. I felt so alone and scared. They had a drape over my chest so I couldn’t see anything. They told me I wouldn’t have to be strapped down, but then they tied my arms to the table and started administering the anesthesia. I was terrified and felt some weird sensations on my abdomen. I asked where Dan was. Finally, Dan came in and he said I looked at him with this look that said “Save me”.
He sat right by my head and held my hand as they started the procedure. I stared into his eyes and tears started streaming down my face. I was so sad and scared in that moment. I felt a lot of intense pulling and tugging as they struggled to get him out. My midwife was next to me commentating the procedure and telling me that everything was going to be ok.
Finally, we heard them say he was out. We waited to hear a cry, and suddenly we heard him. Dan stood up and looked at him and instantly said how beautiful he was. They pulled the drape down and held him up so I could see and I wept. They immediately brought him over to the warming table to check him. Dan followed him over and I tried to see what was going on, but the warmer was positioned so far behind my head that it was really hard to see. He had quite a cone head from being wedged in my pelvis.
After they finished, they wrapped him up and Dan brought him over to me. I was extremely shaky from the medication and fatigue, and was having a hard time holding him. So Dan held him right by my face while they finished removing my placenta, cleaning things out and stitching me back up. Don't let the smile fool you...I was entirely traumatized, and in a physical state of absolute perish.
After the procedure, they rolled me back into our room to recover. Dan and I got to spend some time snuggling Calvin skin to skin. I was still having a tough time with the shaking, but after a bit, I was steady enough to hold him.
After almost 27 hours, and a helluva "ride" (if you can call it that), our sweet Calvin arrived with a bang, and certainly not in the way we anticipated (AT ALL). It took me quite some time to heal, both physically and emotionally, but I learned so much from that experience and I know I am stronger today because of it. Calvin was worth every second of pain and agony and is healthy as can be and for that, we are so grateful. 7 lbs 14.5 oz and 20.5 inches long. Our sweet boy is perfect.
What were the highs and lows from your birth story?
XO
SS
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