January 22, 2021
Reflection: We must remember how far we’ve come.
Today, I’m grateful for: Milestones
Challenge: What do you have today that you wished for just a few years ago?
Today, my son turned 18-months old. A long-awaited milestone by many, but for me, it’s a little bittersweet. My sweet little baby, who seemed to join us just a short time ago, is now turning into a little boy. I feel pride and excitement for him, but also fear and apprehension as he continues to embark on this journey we call life.
I should be used to the roller coaster of emotions that come with being a mother by now. But it’s funny how each new milestone has a slightly different way of punching you in the gut. And each time, these emotions, remind me of how just a short time ago, I was full of many other emotions so desperate and anxious for a moment like this. To be able to have a child. To hold him. To love him. And to guide him through life as his mother.
When my husband and I first found out we were pregnant (before Calvin), we were a bit in shock. But shock turned into acceptance, and acceptance turned into identity and soon, we were picturing ourselves as a family. As mom and a dad. And then, at about 8 weeks at our first appointment, it was all ripped out from under us. There was no heartbeat. Baby had stopped growing just shy of 6 weeks, and despite having no other symptoms to cause reason for concern, baby was not OK.
After recovering (physically) from that miscarriage, it was game-on. I wanted nothing more than to get pregnant and become a family. I struggled mentally and emotionally a lot in those first months until I finally hit a point of surrender. I threw my arms up, I let go and knew it was in God’s hands.
And that was the month I got pregnant. Fast-forward 18-months, and now we’re chasing our sweet baby Calvin around the house. I have longed for moments like this, and I am grateful for milestones that offer a moment to reflect and cherish the love and beauty that is right in front of me.
Happy 1 1/2 birthday sweet boy. Mama loves you so much.
XO
SS
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