November 13, 2020
Reflection: How did I get here?
Challenge: Consider the social, cultural and family-based influences that have led you to the belief system you have today. Consider what you learned, why you're grateful for it and where you are now.
This is my 29th trip around the sun this year, and, astrologically-speaking, my birthday (Nov. 12) happened to fall on a conjunction of Jupiter and Pluto. This transition happens once every 13 years and represents an opportunity to reframe our philosophies. To take a long hard look at how we live, why we live that way, and what it means in the context of our current society. When you consider the impactful global and societal events of 2020, it’s hard NOT to consider these things. But I find it particularly special that the exact conjunction falls on my day of birth. So let’s have a look:
How did I get here?
I grew up in a hardworking middle-class family in the heart of the US—Iowa. My dad was a small business owner and my mom managed a progressive career amidst all of the responsibilities that came with parenting alongside an entrepreneur. We never had to worry about having food on the table (at least I didn’t think so), but this was paired with no shortage of high expectations that fostered the belief that “prosperity comes to those who work hard, no matter the cost.” I believe this (unintentionally) drove me to live a life of perfectionism. A life of people-pleasing, ‘nothing-is-ever-good-enough', ‘grab-life-by-the-horns-and-don't-you-dare-stop-to-smell-the-roses' sort of mentality.
What did I learn?
Don’t get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful for my upbringing and it served me well in many ways. With this work ethic, I managed a strong academic and athletic pursuit which led me to a D1-university dance team where I managed to graduate with 2 bachelor’s degrees in 3 years whilst maintaining a handful of odd jobs, internships, the commitments of being a student athlete, and, on a good week, a social life. Needless to say, I learned a LOT about time management during college, but ultimately, I graduated in a state of exhaustion and grasping at straws to answer the question we all seek to understand in our early 20s—”What do I wanna be when I grow up?”
Well spoiler alert —I still find myself asking that question almost a decade later! I like to describe myself as an old soul with a childlike spirit. And I hope to keep it that way for as long as I live. #ForeverYoung! But I’ve matured out of the chaos, and learned to slow down, to indulge, and to be present. I’m still learning and I’m still growing every day, but I think the biggest thing I’ve learned in the last decade is the ability to unlearn. The ability to take my map of the world and rewrite it, over and over and over again. There is no treasure at the end of that journey. The treasure IS the journey.
Where am I now?
Today, I sit here in a new state of chaos. I spend my days watching my 1-year old torment my great dane while they both traverse the mysterious mountain of kid-stuffs (parents you know what I’m talking about!) that manages to accumulate in our living room. And it’s oh-so-beautiful. From day 1 of motherhood (literally), I've been forced to take a long hard look at the ridiculous and societally-influenced expectations I’ve set for myself over the years, and throw them out the window. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. Some days are most certainly harder than others, and on the “lows can be so low” days, I still find myself being triggered and falling back into old habits. But a practice of awareness, reflection and rewriting of my ways has set me on a path of constant renewal. And for that, I am grateful. Each day is a new day, and I’m excited to wake up each morning with a new adventure ahead. Cheers to 29, and many, many more.
XO
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