February 28, 2021
Reflection: My son is mine, and I gave him life, but I do not own him.
Today, I'm grateful for: my courageous and adventurous son
Challenge: What expectations have you held for yourself? For your child? What would it look and feel like to let go of them?
My son Calvin is what some may describe as "ALL BOY". He is busy, reckless and FULL of energy. I spend most of my nights and weekends chasing him around (literally), and doing what I can to ensure he doesn't crack his head open. On the extra busy days, after I get him down for the evening and flop onto the couch with a heavy sigh of exhaustion, I sometimes envision the images of our friends sitting down watching movies or enjoying morning snuggles with their similarly aged daughters, which I'll admit, leaves me envious at times for more moments like that....or maybe just a moment to breathe! :P
But despite the wild and crazy that is our normal, I love every single second of it. I love watching my adventurous son explore. I love seeing his curious spirit in action. I love his mischievous little grin he gets when he knows he's doing sometime he shouldn't be. And, as difficult as it is at times, I love that I have the courage to let go just enough to encourage his curiosity and help him grow through his experiences. I am often reminded that one day, I won't be there to solve all his problems, or help him safely navigate through his new experiences. And so, as I sit back, and anxiously watch him scale the end table or walk across the couch, I try to rest in the comfort that the courage, wisdom, and a little adversity on occasion, will serve him well in the future. His courageous spirit is paired with the sweetest soul, and I am so blessed to share this journey called life with my son.
Our children are who they are, regardless of what we ever thought they may be. And as a mother, sometimes the hardest part is letting go of that....Letting go of expectations. Letting go of comparison and judgement. And learning to embrace what we have right in front of us. Calvin was made for me. We learn and grow from each other every single day, and I think he influences me just as much as I influence him.
Calvin offers me countless opportunities to practice my patience and ability to surrender every day. But no matter how much I try to protect him, his spirit and life will always be his own. He is mine, and I gave him life, but I do not own him. I am his mother, and our paths will forever be intertwined, but his life is not mine to live. As hard as it is to accept, I am mostly just an observer in his journey. And I can only hope that someday, he will understand the depths of the love hold for him.
Oh sweet Calvin, your spirit is fierce. Your heart is beautiful. Your soul is kind. And I am so grateful to be your mother.
XO
SS
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