A hug in a box

April 18, 2021

Reflection: I am not ashamed of my pure, raw emotions.

Today, I’m grateful for: love and grace from friends near and far.

Challenge: Give grace, be patient, and let that flood of emotions come. No fighting it. No muscling through it. Just pure, raw emotion.

7AM: Wake up. Quick run to Target to pickup a car seat....well not exactly a quick run. I had to go all the way out to the West Des Moines location because I procrastinated the car seat trade-in event until the absolute last day, which was apparently also when the rest of Ankeny decided to do their car seat shopping, because they were completely sold out of EVERYTHING. Luckily, I was able to snag the last one in stock at the other store and order for pickup the next day. Yay.

9:30AM: Meet with Urbandale cabinet designer at Home Depot (who is a highly-sought after lady I might add, and exclusive to the Urbandale store) to talk about cabinetry needs for the basement. I’m quickly learning that many of our next basement finishing steps are on 6-8 week lead times, which starts to feel really real when we think about our original plan to finish the basement before bath girl gets here, and the reality and she may come much earlier than we expected.

9:55AM: *Receives text from best friend* “I’m here! I’ve got a table in the back!” *Starts sweating profusely*

Me to cabinet lady: “I am so sorry. I have to step away.” *Leaves in the middle of cabinetry meeting*

10AM: *Speed/crying the whole way to the local coffee shop my BFF had invited me to earlier in the week* How could this slip my mind?? I NEVER forget plans. And especially plans with my BFF and ESPECIALLY in this day and age where “get togethers” are a treasured treat.

10:30: *speed walks into coffee shop, sees friend at table.....instantly bursts into tears* “I’m so sorry!” I exclaim through embarrassingly public weeps. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me?? It’s like my brain isn’t working right!” Of course, my wonderful friend proceeded to console me, comfort me and help me feel slightly less bad about completely spacing our plans to meet for coffee. She offered me grace and reminded me to do the same. We laughed, we cried (I cried. It was me who did all the crying.) And it was a much-needed soul nourishing appointment that (God-willing) I managed to keep, albeit, a little late.

12:45: Get home. Explain my ridiculous morning to my husband and he talks me into taking a rest while Calvin naps. Reluctantly, I lay down, but almost immediately pass out.

2PM: Wake up. Head to garage to help (cheerlead) as Dan installs the new car seat. We’re swapping seats and adding to our collection so both sets of grandparents can have a seat in their car. We’re headed out of town next weekend, just the two of us, for the first time since before Calvin was born. So we have to prep the grandparents for their big long-weekend overnight debut. Idk who’s more nervous about it all, me or them....(me. It’s definitely me.)

3:30PM: Head to my parents. Car seat install. Bullshit with my grandmother who was also visiting (whom we haven’t seen in months). Offer the usual “We’re doing good” when asked “how are you feeling?” knowing damn-well I am not good.

5:30PM: Head to Dan’s parents. Car seat install again. Play catch-up. Bullshit some more. Then head home.

7PM: Get home. Walk in and realize we aren’t greeted by Kona’s usual overly excited snifs and pounces. Instantly, Dan says “OMG did she get locked in the front bedroom??” We’d had the windows open today, and at times, the right gusts will blow the door shut. Sure enough, there she was. This happened once before a few years ago, and at that time, Kona (being the anxious Great Dane that she is) had scratched up the entire door, chewed up the door handle and all but ripped up the carpet near the door. We opened the door slowly. Sure enough, there she was surrounded in a small pile of carpet shreds, a scratched up door and a chewed up door handle. *sighs* *cries* This. Sucks.

8:00PM: Dan brings in the mail which included a small box addressed to me. I open it. It’s a fcking hug in a box. A kind token of love from a sweet, sweet coworker who clearly knows me so well. I’m a hugger and COVID-life has left me starved for interpersonal connection and physical hugs. A hug in a box paired with a heartfelt note. This is the part where, you guessed it, I cry again.

Today was a whirlwind of emotions, and I’m starting to get used to this volatile state of just becoming overwhelmed in any moment by them...I’m also working on giving myself grace, being patient with myself, and letting that flood of emotions just come. No fighting it. No muscling through it. Just pure, raw emotion. That’s who I am. That’s where I’m at. And today, I am so SO grateful for the love and grace from friends near and far.

XO

SS