Dan

May 5, 2021

Reflection: In sickness and in health. For better, for worse. I am here for you.

Today, I’m grateful for: my husband

Challenge: Who is the “rock” in your life?

Today, I am grateful for my husband. He has always been my rock. My supporter. My best friend. My companion. And the one whom I can always turn to for refuge. After 15 years of togetherness, we’ve weathered some pretty wild shit. Life has blessed us and challenged us in many ways, but each time, we’ve grown stronger, together. But these last few weeks have challenged us in ways we’ve never known before. And yet, he has stood by my side, unwavering, as life tosses us these curve balls.

Despite the crippling fears that consume me, the restless nights full of anxiety, and the frustrations of the physical limitations that leave me feeling like a helpless, worthless, hopeless failure, he does not shake. He takes all of my messy, emotional episodes of overwhelm with grace. He takes the burden of the extra load for our family without any frustration. And to be frank, he just grinds like a MF. I honestly don’t know how he does it.

“In sickness and in health. For better, for worse. I am here for you,” he reminds me. The words are soothing enough to talk me off the ledge for a bit. To temporarily squash the guilt I carry with me as I helplessly observe his unwavering effort to keep our family afloat during this time. To give Calvin as much normalcy as possible. And to try to help keep me sane in the process.

He is patient....so patient. So much more patient than I think I will EVER be. He offers me the grace and compassion I don’t give myself. He sees me when I can’t see myself. And he knows how to delicately navigate all the twists and turns of my emotional states to pull me out of “the shit”, as I call it. And I’m so grateful.

Our basic needs as humans are, in general, just that: basic. Maslow’s hierarchy, right? What’s been interesting to me as I’ve reflected on this time is how true the progression (or limitations of progression) toward each level are. For example, it’s been difficult for me to find a sense of safety when constantly living in fear that something could go catastrophically wrong. And being in a constant state of fight or flight limits my capacity for the things that make me, ME. Things like positivity and love and even my overall intellectual ability! (For real, I feel like I’m losing my mind some days 🤦🏼‍♀️).

It’s like I short-circuit and everything just stops. The world is moving around me, but everything inside is slow motion. But despite these inner battles, the one place I can consistently find comfort and safety is in my husband’s arms. Call it cheesy or cliché, but for me, it’s true. My fears melt away, even for just a moment and I welcome the vulnerability instead of running from it. For a moment, I can let go of the madness that is in my mind, and hold onto the peace in my heart. And for that, I am so grateful.

Today, I’m grateful for my husband.

XO

SS